Searching for Suntanned Skin in a Pile of Dusty Confetti

Searching for Suntanned Skin in a Pile of Dusty Confetti

Sunday, March 10, 2024

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We made the move and I don't think I've ever stubbed my toe more in my life. According to my very accurate and very real tally that I've been scratching into the wooden post on my bed, I've stubbed my toes one trillion and one times now. And don't even get me started on my funny bone; it's so far past the point of being funny that no one is laughing anymore; it's sad even. I've cried over broken hangers, in the bank, in the middle of busy crosswalks, searching for a reason to go on in the form of a flying bison-shaped cloud. It's hard to tell if our new spot satisfies with so many boxes piled up. It makes the apartment feel small, congested, and like we don't get that direct sunlight I swore I would successfully score. 

We have a patio, more of a rooftop, a deli rooftop where there's no lack of bacon egg and cheese fumes. To my decades-old vegetarian nose, it's surprisingly tempting... This patio gets split sun all day, be it diagonal, down the center, or whatever, but never full sun. Though my sun-soaked desires have unwillingly diminished, I know suntanned skin will be grateful for that sweet summer shade. I can see it now, sweating I'll say, "ugh, it's even fucking hot in the shade, jesus christ." Sunglasses on the brim, smoking bowl after bowl, yamming on whatever frostbitten ice cream treat I had to dive deep for in the deli's chest freezer before it melts down my somehow already sticky hands. Always already sticky. 

Moving yanked the worst out of me—the fits, the tantrums!! I didn't know they even let 5-year-olds rent apartments, but I suppose they made an exception for me. I don't want this entire entry to come off cold, but it was truly a treacherous experience. Going through my stuff was exceptional though, I've created SO MUCH ART! So many memories, and to only be in the space for one year I find my settling abilities truly remarkable. Even in this new space, a week later, still drowning in boxes, I've found the time to put art on the walls. It's always the first thing. 

My top priority is decorating, designing, and really making the space my own. I find myself customizing everything I own, stickers, custom paint jobs, monograms, keychains, heck my tattoos are a sticker sheet of their own!! How can I expect to leave any kind of legacy if I don't make things mine? Even my dust bunnies had smiley face stickers wrapped up in fallen hair and confetti from celebratory pops crumpled in corners, I'm everywhere, and I'm really fucking cool. I talked about feeling proud of myself in my last entry, and that pride stands true even during the deep clean. I'm proud of my dusty confetti, closing a chapter, though stressful, can be sweet. 

I knew I wanted to create a video taking my apartment apart when my uncle told me I should make a video taking my apartment apart. It's not a typical home tour, but it shows exactly when I wanted it to show- how I actually lived.

Enjoy <3

xo, O

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Is Blogging Dead?

Is Blogging Dead?

Saturday, October 10, 2020

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So it's been a whole summer, a whole summer that tumbled into fall as quickly as you can say, "can you believe its October already?" For being in a pandemic, and for the most part staying put, I did in fact have quite the eventful summer. I finished my internship and have been working hard (or hardly working? you decide) on personal things here, hoping to get a job in New York in the new year and i'll plan to move there January 1st! It seems as though dates keep just getting pushed back, but now the holidays are near, covid is acting up again and things are more and more uncertain, i'll be able to hopefully find some certainty in 2021. Who knows what that year will hold! After 2020, truly anything can be possible! So anyway, what do you think? Should I get this baby back up and running? Or is blogging truly dead? I know this post has NO real point but to say, HEY! And, should I return to this platform? Eh who knows, anyway, here's some film from the summer. Xo, O

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Savor Every Moment

Savor Every Moment

Monday, April 20, 2020

Good Morning Lovely Human Beings!

Hope everyone is doing well in quarantine, staying healthy, happy, and sane. If anyone ever wants to talk about their experience, how they're feeling or really anything, I'm always here. Just shoot me a DM on Instagram. 

So lately I have been thinking a lot about living in the moment. If you don't already know, each year I do a one second everyday video (2017, 2018, 2019). And I recently was complaining to a friend about how boring my one second video is recently. Just videos of me walking my dog, the occasional puzzle, and lots of just hanging out. I even made a clip for the video to say, "hey sorry things have been boring, it's day 1,342 of quarantine, not much is going on." 

I look back on my previous one second videos and really miss those times. The good times, the fun adventures with friends, the belly laughs, the up-all-night dance parties, all good things that make me say, "oh I wish we could go back to old times. I miss pre-corona life." 

When in reality, all of those moments were pretty fleeting. Sure I took a one second video to remember it for times like these, but I know that I rarely took time to take a step back and appreciate exactly where I was in that moment and how great it was, I just lived through it. As most people do... 

But I think instead of complaining about not having "fun quarantine content" it's a really good time to slow down and really appreciate the good things. Really take time to savor every moment in quarantine. Especially when things are so crazy in the world right now. I want to take time to really embrace every beautiful flower I see when walking my dog, or the great accomplishment of finally finishing a super difficult puzzle. 

I think I want to use this time to bring a daily practice of really living intentionally into my life so post corona, I can really truly enjoy those up-all-night dance parties like it's my last. 

Because the truth is, no one saw this coming. No one knew the midnight beach trips, kisses at sunset, and deep talks on the balcony would be the last before quarantine. So instead of longing for a "pre-corona" adventure, look forward to all of the future adventures yet to come, adventures that you will enjoy like it's your last. 

I used to be a big goal setter, a big go getter, not that I no longer try or something like that... but I think right now my main goal is to live intentionally. I want to stop trying to set out of reach goals, but take it day by day. Make others around me happy, know that everyday is a new day, a new chance to learn, grow, move, and groove. A new chance to be happy and grateful for every little thing in this world. 

The future is unpredictable, but I want to challenge you all to start living intentionally, savor every moment, and as cliche as it is, live each day like it's your last. (don't go skydiving and doing crazy things everyday or something, but you know what I mean.)

A movie that I ADORE that covers this topic is About Time, here is a clip about living each day with an intention. If you haven't seen it you MUST, it's on Netflix (also he's a time traveler, so that's why he's talking about living a day twice)

Have a wonderful week <3

xo, O

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MAKE IT SIMPLE

MAKE IT SIMPLE

Saturday, December 7, 2019

Hey! How long has it been? Eighteen years? Something like that, yeah. So I realize this is kind of my thing, leaving my blog for a while and then coming back with some ~*deep*~ post about being in a transitional time in my life, full of stress, work, and me just being busy, busy, BUSY! I don't want to come on here now, after all this time and rant to you, again like I always do. I mean... It's not not true, I am very busy and stressed, but I just want to welcome myself back in.

Well... Welcome myself back in with the full knowledge for you all that I most likely won't be sticking around. You see, back when I was in high school blogging was a lot easier, I had motivation to succeed in a world where the expectations for me to succeed professionally were much lower than they are now. So I feel like I must always have high, high quality content and something very insightful to say, otherwise what's the point? Do you remember my Four Word Thursday segment I used to do? It was when I literally had NOTHING to say and would just say four words and that was somehow enough. What? Can't relate. This was a legitimate blogpost I was proud of, what!? A much simpler time clearly.

Why can't now be a just as simple? In a world where everyone craves to be famous, wants to go viral overnight and just has to have it alllll, why can't we just all share our content without expectations of being the best. I still do full on photoshoots, I still have rich, valuable things to say just as much as I have random tidbits and little happenings I want to share. Life doesn't always have to be a reach for success, it can just be life. I talk so much about trying to be my best and do more, more, more, but why don't we recognize those moments when all we really can bare to do is put in the absolute least amount of effort and have that be rewarded too? All I'm saying is, I want to be more casual, WAY more casual around here, and on Instagram and YouTube too. Not making any commitment to posting or giving you any false promises, simply stating that I hope to see you around here more often, and expect minimal effort, expect real life, and real problems, and real tiny victories because that's life. So here's to that? Cheers.
Xo, O

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BACK TO SCHOOL INTENTIONS

BACK TO SCHOOL INTENTIONS

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

All clothes from Tori Radday's Depop

How?! HOW is it that TOMORROW I drive down to Savannah to begin my senior year?! In one bound to fly by week, I will be waking up early to embark on my LAST first day of school, like, ever. That is if I don't completely fail out of SCAD at the last possible moment, yikes, that would be bad. Let's not put that out into the universe, okay? Okay.

OKAY! so, senior year.
Holy crapola. Even though I still have a week or so before classes actually start, I thought it would be good to set some back to school intentions to start the year off with the right foot forward, no not the left foot, the right one, of course... Let's begin!

1. IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO after my freshman year I told myself to say, "yes" to everything. The result of that? Making lots of new friends, connections, and having cool and different experiences, the real outcome? Total burnout. I even made a video about it. Do I agree with that now? No.

I genuinely need to learn how to say, "no" to people. More often than not I find myself spreading myself MUCH too thin for the sake of others. I already know I am going to be busy, I need to... (transition)

2. PUT MYSELF FIRST going off of my last intention, I need to put myself first, seriously! My grades, health, both mental and physical, happiness come FIRST this year! I need to quit pulling so many all nighters, I need to begin taking steps back when self care is necessary. Speaking of, it's currently 3am and my eyelids feel like they have weights on them, SLEEP!

3. GROWTH IS NOT LINEAR I am prepared for this year to be full of ups and downs. I know I am aiming towards to goal of graduation in the spring and job in the summer to kick off my future career. But I need to remind myself that the path towards that will not be a straight new paved road, but perhaps a rocky passageway through a shaded wood, something more mysterious and dangerous, what's life without a little bit of danger, right? It may take a lot to get to where I'm going but I know that I will eventually wind up where I am meant to be.

4. APPLY YOURSELF And with that, I want to do everything I can to achieve my goals. I want to really push myself forward to creating the best work I can this year, being my best self, and making sure I am doing all that I can to get to where I want to be. With out pushing myself too hard of course...

Okay, now I really need to get packing. Let's get this thing going! Here's to new opportunities, new experiences, adventures, joys, highs and lows, and GROWTH! I could not be more excited for this journey to begin. I want to enjoy every last minute, and I want you to enjoy it with me every step of the way! Here we go! xo, O

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AM I A FASHION BLOGGER?

AM I A FASHION BLOGGER?

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

all clothes available via Tori Radday's Depop
follow Tori on Instagram!

Hello!
I'm writing this to you from my unmade bed in my unkempt, half packed room wearing two, (two?) ((yes, two)) bathrobes, trying to think of some type of useful information to share with you all at 12:39 am that is worth your time...

That's the thing with blogging I've realized lately, I am constantly torn between the age old quality over quantity argument. You see, part of me has been lead to believe that it's quantity that is better for a blog, it boosts engagement, it increases my views and clickthroughs, especially if I'm consistent with the quantity of my posting, posting on a regular schedule and what not.

But then the other part of me thinks that quality is much more valuable. I want people to see me as more than, "hey guys, I've really been loving this new sweater lately! Here's the link to buy it, use my 20% off code in checkout! Bye!" partially because that gets old pretty quickly, but mainly because I am so much more than that.

There are so many sides of me, of course blogging, fashion blogging in particular, is deep in there at the core of things, but my roots are infinite and I stretch and grow much further than my core. There are stormy parts, sunny parts, hurricanes, rainbows, all the weather patterns you can tie to an analogy, I've got it.

I don't post much on here anymore, I'm not going to deny that. Does that mean that I can no longer take the title of "fashion blogger?" If you sell paintings for a living, and then don't sell one for three years, are you still a painter? I think so, right?

My point is, I'm growing, changing, trying to figure out just exactly what it is I want to do in this world. I graduate this (school) year. My future is a head of me. Will I be a stylist? Creative director? Influencer? Content Creator? Social Media Manager? Popstar?! That last one is sort of far off, but you NEVER KNOW!

I am starting to question my place as a blogger in this world where there are so many larger problems at hand. Our president is insane, the Amazon is on Fire, women STILL aren't being payed equally to men, people are dying EVERYDAY from shootings, racism is alive and thriving fueled by hate. The world is a mess, how can I sit over here and simply discuss discounts and designer?

I try to use my platform and voice in a positive way, but it can be defeating when there is little to no change in the numbers, in fact, LESS people than ever are reading my blog, looking at my Instagram, and watching my YouTube videos... way less. It's discouraging, ESPECIALLY when I have opinions, thoughts on change, ways to help, move, plan, and create! 

What's the use in trying to show the other sides of me and trying to make change or an impact when I feel so small? Every time I post on here I post with intention to do it again and again and again, today, tomorrow, the next day, and the next and the next. But I get distracted, I want to post about fashion, but I feel selfish and self-righteous when posting about handbags and headbands when there are people dying in the world. What do you think?

xo, O 

Don't get me wrong, I read lots of fashion blogs and do have LOTs of respect for fashion bloggers, this is just my personal opinion about myself.

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Do You Like or Like Like Me?

Do You Like or Like Like Me?

Friday, August 2, 2019

Happy Friday Babes!! 

I'm going to get right into this, word on the street is Instagram has plans to disable the like feature to be viewed by users other than oneself. I wanted to write a little blurb about that and get your thoughts! 

Instagram has built a world where we often find ourselves basing our worth off of something intangible, likes. Of COURSE I am guilty of this, the more likes I get, the better I feel not only about my content, but myself! Posting a photo of something I'm super proud of and it doesn't get that many likes? I'll take things personally and go as far as feeling offended. What about posting a photo of mySELF?! A flood of likes? MEGA CONFIDENCE BOOST! Little to no likes?! INSTANT HURT! 

Naturally, taking away likes would possibly take away the comparative toll it takes on our mental health, but that serious topic aside, what about how it will effect content creators and influencers? Some think it will be a big issue and hurt a lot of brands and bloggers. My opinion? It's the best thing Instagram could ever do.

As a small creator I am constantly frustrated by numbers because I KNOW my content is good, and yet somehow I am not getting the likes to represent that. Taking away likes levels the playing field for all content creators. I get denied from working with companies all the time because I don't get enough likes when in reality, to totally toot my own horn, my work in my own not-so-humble opinion is just as, if not BETTER than a lot of the influencers who pose with products in front of a white brick wall and deem that as good content while I'm spending hours on stop motion animations and full on videos or photoshoots?

no shade, but like.........................shade.

Leading our lives surrounded by likes that define our worth is toxic and unfortunately something undeniably addictive. Perhaps my opinion is unpopular, but I want to start a conversation about this! Bigger blogger babes what do you think? Aspiring content creation creators what do YOU think?

For the longest time I admitted to caring about likes for the sole reason being the ability to grow, collaborate, be seen by the algorithm, and literally EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN that has to do with being a blogger. It has been TOUGH, growing is HARD, making content that wants to be seen is FRUSTRATING! This begs the question how the algorithm will change, perhaps it will be chronological again? I hope!!

This post was more of a quick little rant than anything, but it's sort of me just putting my thoughts out there and I want to hear yours!! DM me on Instagram to keep the conversation going! 

Xo, O

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A Letter To New York City

A Letter To New York City

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Dear New York, 

This summer has flown by, it wasn't until about last weekend when I escaped home for a bit of a detox that I realized how fleeting my time here is. A lot is scheduled to change in my life soon, I'm starting my senior year of college and then entering the "real world" shortly there after. 

I was unsure about you, New York. In the beginning I was go, go, go, and constantly trying new things, going to new places, and being little Miss Explorer everyday. But then things got busy, I got so caught up in my work, I got stressed and soon the hustle and bustle became less inspiring and a bit more daunting. 

Waking up in a windowless room after barely getting four to five hours of sleep each day I was constantly exhausted. Overwhelmed by the amount of work I had to do for myself, and "had" is a strong word. Should I rephrase it and say that I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I wanted to do for myself. The videos I wanted to make, the photos I wanted to take, I wanted to do it all, and yet there never felt like there was enough time in the world to do it.

Bogged down by stress and time, I was feeling at a loss so I ran home! I thought that going home for some time with family, friends and real nature, not city planned greenery, would make me come back feeling recharged, renewed, and refreshed.

The entire train ride back to the city I was feeling good, granted I was watching Stranger Things and eating fresh baked cookies, feeling good was inevitable. But the second, the SECOND I walked off of the train and on to the Penn Station platform I was bombarded with humidity, people shoulder to shoulder, and immediate frustration. I did not want to be back, I wanted to be floating on the river, ears full of water, skin dappled by a mild sunburn from a setting sun like I was the day prior.

For about a day or so this feeling persisted. It wasn't until I was talking to my friend who reminded me that, "tomorrow is a new day." It was Wednesday and something just clicked. All of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, I had a great burst of inspiration. I realized that I'm only here for 19 more days, I have to really fill each of those days, and begin them with set intentions and a purpose without being too hard on myself if I don't get things done.

I want to give New York another chance. I had been saying, "maybe it's not for me, maybe I should try San Fransisco or LA after college," but at the same time I don't want to give up. I'm not someone who just gives up. Yes it can be frustrating feeling as though I work, work, work, and see little progress or growth, but that's what sets me apart, and what can set anyone apart too. Working hard. 

New York, you are a place that has made me realize my potential. You are a place where I am eager to return to and get my gears moving and grooving. Although there may never feel as though there is enough time to do all that I want to do, I am feeling positive about doing the most for myself. I do what I do because I love it. Even when I take breaks I cant stay away from creating, because it's what I love to do!

New York, maybe you and I are simply meant to be. Perhaps this high strung, humid summer is just what I needed from you to motivate me, that's what a change of scenery should do after all, right? 

New York, I'd label our relationship as complicated, something that drives me crazy, but I just can't stay away, sounds a whole lot like love, or at least how it is in the movies. 

New York, I hate to leave you so soon, but don't worry, I'll be back. 

Yours,

Olivia 

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