I turned twenty-six on the twenty-eighth and decided twenty twenty-four is going to be the year of adventure, the year of inspiration and gaining experience.
Naturally, with each birthday comes reflection. In the back of my mind I'm often replaying lessons I've learned, and how I've grown from those, and I've realized that I don’t think I have anything that I've genuinely worked hard to succeed and grow towards. I'll admit I find myself quitting the majority of the time. I'm quick to break up, leave the room, walking away from the task at hand, how can you expect me to not ghost a boring third date if I couldn't be bothered to keep working at that gift supply store for longer than three days? I quit Panera after six days. Don't even get me started on my punch needle hobby! I don't want to doubt myself, but it feels like I haven't mastered any skills or leveled up in an activity before. for the first time, I'm thinking about longevity; I'm itching to look back and feel proud.
I'm watching The Bear season 2 right now. Though it's not without its setbacks at points, each character is developing, finding inspiration- attending culinary school for the first time, new relationships, traveling to learn, experience, and grow?! GROW GROW GROW!? I don't know how this will manifest yet, but I'm seeking inspiration to learn something new this year. I liked this quote/moment from episode 4-
"Most of the incredible things I've eaten haven't been because the skill level is exceptionally high or theres loads of mad fancy techniques, it's because it's been really inspired. You can spend all the time in the world in here, but if you don’t spend enough time out there...?' 'Right.' 'Helps to have good people around you too."
Every year, for my birthday, I honor it with a photo shoot (or at least I have for the last twelve years) to celebrate who I was then and what I looked like at 16. Who was I at 18, and who was I pretending to be at 20? Helps me remember, I can feel it, each outfit takes me back, want to know one fashion memory?
I swear I can remember what my third-ever crush, Wyatt, wore at the ice cream social before the start of second grade. Do you think he remembers what I was wearing? My blue Birkenstocks with the poorly drawn pig across both feet. I took my shoes off while he showed me the new zip line on the playground they installed over the summer. I was a new student that year, and the 'social' of 'ice cream social's" prerogative was to get the new kids fostering relationships before the school year started so the transition would be easier. Ice cream is the perfect tool to bond, ask any welder.
That summer night faded to dark quickly, and that's the only way to know it's gotten late when you’re in second grade. I heard the "it's time to go" call from my dad and I scurried along, not before slamming my dogs into those Berks. And that's when I felt it, its curious half dead goopy antennas investigating the playground under my toenails,,, I screeEEEEEECHED!!! An inside a grasshopper wound up being the cherry on top of my ice cream sundae that night, I would have preferred maraschino, I'm not picky.
That's why I awarded myself this "General Excellence" trophy I found in the trash area with the little ratties outside the Laundromat on the corner of Willoughby and Wilson one warm night last year, I needed it. I earned it. Creativity is a skill, a passion, and a calling. I love it, but how can I grow with that? I'm ready to find some new skills. And what a gift it is to have a lifetime to explore it all. I cannot believe I have yet to discover what I'll learn next. To feel proud!! Won't it be nice to see how far I've come?
Xo, O
