Great Great Falls

Friday, May 3, 2024

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Last weekend, my brother and I visited our childhood home in Great Falls, Virginia. 


Returning to Great Falls, I was struck by how amazing my childhood was and shocked by how much I had forgotten. We did everything; we parked at the library, where the old bug guy taught us about beetles and fat caterpillars, where the visual for that one dumb blonde joke takes place in my head:


A dumb blonde walks into a library with headphones in, the librarian says, "No music in the library!" and takes her headphones out for her ears. The dumb blonde immediately drops to the ground, unconscious. Moments later, another blonde walks in with the same headphones. When the librarian takes them off of her, she drops dead!! This happens four times before the librarian says, "What are they listening to? How is this happening?" she gives it a listen and just hears, "Breathe in.... breathe out.... breathe in..... breathe out." Those dumb blondes can't even breathe on their own, they're just that dumb. 


We took the wooded cut-through to the park. It was Art Fest at the old school house where Mimi and I would go to play teacher. Art Fest where, who knows how many tens of years ago, my parents bought two giant paintings that then hung in my mother's office for years. We saw lizards and talked cicada exoskeletons, a total nightmare climbing a tree and turning the branch to see your face right in front of a ghost cicada. Horrifying. We got lunch from Safeway like we did as kids, like we did when we ran away that one time. We ate our boxed sushi, tamarinds and goldfish at a picnic table at the playground on the hill above the field where my baby soccer team, "Quick Silver" (someones dad picked the name, we wanted to be the Purple Manatees) practiced. We swung on the swings where I went so high I might have been able to do a full 360 flip around, it's easier to pump with grown up legs, no need to be pushed by my dad. Hearing kids on that spinning roundabout thing saying, "I'm gonna push us really hard and then jump on!!!" Taking another secret path from the field through the woods that we made for our walk home from the bus stop at the playground parking lot. 


The walk down Innsbruck Avenue felt so much longer than it really was, one downhill strip felt like miles for my little kid legs. The road was lush-lined, full of trees and memories of after-school backpack sibling conversations. Passing the secret entrance to our neighbor's zip line, we snuck in without ever even knowing them. Eventually, we met them once, had a scathing "your mom" off, and then proceeded to make up through a game of cops and robbers and a scream down their waterslide. They were rich rich, rich enough to have a full-on pull this book down from the bookshelf and watch as the whole wall turns to reveal a secret room rich. We twisted around blind curves to find the gazebo at the end of the road that marked the entrance to "Jurassic Park" another creek where our barefoot imaginations ran wild and ankles were threatened by snakes. I don't think my brother remembered how exclusive Jurassic Park really was, it was more for the "older kids" so I only went a few times, the zip line was more my speed I suppose. 


We got to our house and throught we should ring the bell and see if we can go in, the worst they could say is no. We really lucked out when the door was answered by the son of the owners, who claimed to be house-sitting. This twenty seven year old was fully living with his parents. No way his room was that messy and not actively being lived in. He gave us a full indoor and outdoor tour. Our family knew the family that we sold the house to so it was never on the market and as far as my baby brain recalls, it was a seamless transition. We were all in school together, I think Emma and Saunders kind of knew their boys. It made for a sense of comfort and safety, we weren't killers coming to ransack his home. Entering that house was a minefield,,, which I just looked up... that may not be an actual word... entering that house... it was madness. Nostalgia washed over me, I nearly drowned in it. Just by the tiniest crack of the frontdoor the smell alone was enough to knock me out. Home.


The house felt smaller now that I was taller, but the stair runner remained the same. I wish I could take my shoes off one more time just to slip on socks down those stairs, give me a rug burn that I can take home with me. A scab I'd pick until it scarred so it'd be there forever. So I'd be there forever. Bathrooms and kitchen appliances had been updated, our hot pink fireplace painted white. The epic cilarium was pruned, plants potted and a fish tank added, it's okay though, they glistened enough to be forgiven. As a kid being tucked in at night my mom would say, "see you in dream land!" and I'd say, "let's meet at the fish tank." in another life, it was right there. We haven't spoken in over a year now, maybe it's time to find that fishtank and finally sort things out.


Memories and moments flashed before my eyes in each new room we entered. This is where I tried on lipstick for the first time, remember trying to catch fish here with cheese cubes on a stick? I still can't believe we used to hollow out these cabinets so we could stash the gushers we stole from Safeway here. This is the bathroom I ran to and cried in when I heard the news about the move. I stared in the mirror and sobbed to myself, afraid to show anyone how I was really feeling, feeling alone at such a young age. Our tour guide told me that stuffed behind the mirrors in my old room were love letters covered in lipstick kisses that I had written to myself. Stuffed for safe keeping, for later. For them?


We moved when I was nine; it's been 19 years, but being there, it felt like no time had passed. I wanted to dive into that dark blue pool, I wanted to dig up the dog grave for Humphry over the creeks edge buried by the previous owners. He haunted us but never let us drown. I hope he was a good dog. There was wisteria, and there were weirdo statues we put there now covered in moss. We were mischievous kids; my brother and I would break into, I'm not joking, break into our next-door neighbor's house and play with their toys, steal their toys, choke on their sugar cereal that we weren't allowed to have, I crashed their golf cart and walked away. Seven-year-olds shouldn't drive. I remembered getting locked out on the balcony attached to my room. Merril and I came to the conclusion that we would have to jump off in order to survive. We might break our legs, but it had to be done. Everything felt diar, everything felt like we'd never age past age ten. My once yellow walls are now white with a connecting walk-in closet I would kill to have today. The closet where I cried while being reprimanded over an unwalkable clothes-covered floor. If I had that closet today, you still wouldn't be able to see the floor. My messy habits haven't changed or even faded in the slightest. 


Being home awoke a new perspective in me, I learned so much living here, I learned how to fend for myself in nature if I ever got caught in a rainstorm, even though running into a storm was always voluntary, I knew where to hide. I was free to decorate my room how I wanted, I was free to wear what I wanted, I was free! I grew up here, and so did everyone else. My parents, my siblings, Mimi when she visited, Mrs. Powers our bus driver, the Dellasolas down the road, that old guy who hosted a screening of Peter Pan and served DIY ice cream sundaes for the whole neighborhood. We were all experiencing life for the first time, maybe we all deserve a little bit of grace. My childhood had hiccups, as they all do, but it was nothing short of incredible.


That night, Saunders and I got dinner at The Old Brogue, the only childhood gem still standing. Now legally sipping some white wine, it was easy to picture my parents here discussing us kids, our extracurriculars, and all of our madness over a shared Shepherd's pie in the booth we always sat in. It makes me want a do-over.


We rounded out the visit at Great Falls park where families picniced, grilled their sunday dinners and threw frisbees, dogs off leash, I picked weeds and pressed them into my sketchbook, I watercolored the falls and fell victim to a waterfall selfie. There was time I was full of rage, I would have jumped, allowed myself to be pummeled by the current. Now I want to float, hit rapids with a smile on my face in some blowup boat surrounded by friends and family. This weekend rebirthed me, spring sprung and got me ready to bloom again. 

Xo, O


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Searching for Suntanned Skin in a Pile of Dusty Confetti

Sunday, March 10, 2024

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We made the move and I don't think I've ever stubbed my toe more in my life. According to my very accurate and very real tally that I've been scratching into the wooden post on my bed, I've stubbed my toes one trillion and one times now. And don't even get me started on my funny bone; it's so far past the point of being funny that no one is laughing anymore; it's sad even. I've cried over broken hangers, in the bank, in the middle of busy crosswalks, searching for a reason to go on in the form of a flying bison-shaped cloud. It's hard to tell if our new spot satisfies with so many boxes piled up. It makes the apartment feel small, congested, and like we don't get that direct sunlight I swore I would successfully score. 

We have a patio, more of a rooftop, a deli rooftop where there's no lack of bacon egg and cheese fumes. To my decades-old vegetarian nose, it's surprisingly tempting... This patio gets split sun all day, be it diagonal, down the center, or whatever, but never full sun. Though my sun-soaked desires have unwillingly diminished, I know suntanned skin will be grateful for that sweet summer shade. I can see it now, sweating I'll say, "ugh, it's even fucking hot in the shade, jesus christ." Sunglasses on the brim, smoking bowl after bowl, yamming on whatever frostbitten ice cream treat I had to dive deep for in the deli's chest freezer before it melts down my somehow already sticky hands. Always already sticky. 



Moving yanked the worst out of me—the fits, the tantrums!! I didn't know they even let 5-year-olds rent apartments, but I suppose they made an exception for me. I don't want this entire entry to come off cold, but it was truly a treacherous experience. Going through my stuff was exceptional though, I've created SO MUCH ART! So many memories, and to only be in the space for one year I find my settling abilities truly remarkable. Even in this new space, a week later, still drowning in boxes, I've found the time to put art on the walls. It's always the first thing. 

My top priority is decorating, designing, and really making the space my own. I find myself customizing everything I own, stickers, custom paint jobs, monograms, keychains, heck my tattoos are a sticker sheet of their own!! How can I expect to leave any kind of legacy if I don't make things mine? Even my dust bunnies had smiley face stickers wrapped up in fallen hair and confetti from celebratory pops crumpled in corners, I'm everywhere, and I'm really fucking cool. I talked about feeling proud of myself in my last entry, and that pride stands true even during the deep clean. I'm proud of my dusty confetti, closing a chapter, though stressful, can be sweet. 


I knew I wanted to create a video taking my apartment apart when my uncle told me I should make a video taking my apartment apart. It's not a typical home tour, but it shows exactly when I wanted it to show- how I actually lived.
Enjoy <3
xo, O
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Going Through Changes

Monday, February 26, 2024

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Nothing major... just moving, contemplating a dye job, and looking for signs in the stars more than ever before. 


The hunt for a new apartment has been brutal, okay, not necessarily brutal, simply,, tough. Trudging through the murky waters of brokers and their silly made-up fees, it's a scammer's paradise over here. T-minus three days until we have to move out and not a signed lease in site. 


No doubt we will find the perfect place soon enough. I've been an absolute hound on these tours, filming everything, pepper spray and full heavy hydro flask in tow, staying vigilant of creepos and cognisant of sun directions. I always pull my compass out. Don't doubt me. 



Real Quick, let's discuss these killer photos and my outfit. Photos were taken by the ever-talented Maria Wurtz. Maria is truly a stunning, glowy soul, a fast friend, and a wickedly talented photographer. I haven't had this much fun on a photoshoot in a while. 


Structurally, this outfit is one of my favorite formats: a flouncy textured first layer under a straight silhouette mid-layer, topped with an additional, different type of texture on top. It's a texture sandwich! And obviously, no outfit is complete without many a jewel, a beret because,  duh, don't be crazy, and my prize possession, Melissas. 


Working our way up from there, the tights are Lazy Oaf- a total winner in the socks and tights department, trust. The dress I rented from nuuly, I'll go on a (positive) nuuly rant another time. But know that I love this service so dearly, it has truly been a life changer for me as a professional, certified, trademarked fashion girlie. The blazer I successfully thrifted while in Sacramento, at the, THE Thrift Town from Lady Bird. The vest I've owned for eons. The necklace was gifted to me by my brother this past Christmas from the American Folk Art Museum here in NYC. Earrings and rings are some brand of hand-me-down from my mothergrandmotheraunt. Don't forget to peep the Bejeweled bracelet. My beret, dare I say.... is Forever 21 from high school. Glasses, don't know, don't ask. Lastly, BAGS! Bags are made by someone who's name is escaping my brain, but I'll go chase after it sometime this afternoon and fill you in later... 


As mentioned, the move isn't the only change. Maybe it's the meds, maybe it's the sun sticking around longer and longer every day. The springtime mood shift is in the air. Of course, I'm a colorful winter fashionista, but the outfits are getting funkier, brighter, and more me. 


Though I'm up to my neck in spackle and bubble wrap, stress is high, but it's a comforting stress, a stress that can only occur knowing good change is in the future. I must work through this madness to find sanity at the end of the road!!!!!!!!!! I'm sprinting, believe me. 


I'm grasping more control of my filter, feeling stronger and more confident in my decisions, something I was never too talented at. Therapy has been a huge help (thanks, Martha), but even as I further myself in my career, as friendships and relationships change, I remain true to myself, and my feet are planted firmly where I stand. Despite the literal cross-city move I'm making, of course. It's nice to be amidst such chaos and still find my footing. That's new to me. It's rewarding, and I find myself feeling proud of my own growth and behavior! 



I toured an apartment today that really felt right; it had everything I could ever wish for!! Dream of me tonight in my beautiful new apartment with my private rooftop, big windows, and art studio space... I'll be dreaming of you...


Xo, O

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twenty six

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

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I turned twenty-six on the twenty-eighth and decided twenty twenty-four is going to be the year of adventure, the year of inspiration and gaining experience.  


Naturally, with each birthday comes reflection. In the back of my mind I'm often replaying lessons I've learned, and how I've grown from those, and I've realized that I don’t think I have anything that I've genuinely worked hard to succeed and grow towards. I'll admit I find myself quitting the majority of the time. I'm quick to break up, leave the room, walking away from the task at hand, how can you expect me to not ghost a boring third date if I couldn't be bothered to keep working at that gift supply store for longer than three days? I quit Panera after six days. Don't even get me started on my punch needle hobby! I don't want to doubt myself, but it feels like I haven't mastered any skills or leveled up in an activity before. for the first time, I'm thinking about longevity; I'm itching to look back and feel proud. 


I'm watching The Bear season 2 right now. Though it's not without its setbacks at points, each character is developing, finding inspiration-  attending culinary school for the first time, new relationships, traveling to learn, experience, and grow?! GROW GROW GROW!? I don't know how this will manifest yet, but I'm seeking inspiration to learn something new this year. I liked this quote/moment from episode 4-


"Most of the incredible things I've eaten haven't been because the skill level is exceptionally high or theres loads of mad fancy techniques, it's because it's been really inspired. You can spend all the time in the world in here, but if you don’t spend enough time out there...?' 'Right.' 'Helps to have good people around you too." 



Every year, for my birthday, I honor it with a photo shoot (or at least I have for the last twelve years) to celebrate who I was then and what I looked like at 16. Who was I at 18, and who was I pretending to be at 20? Helps me remember, I can feel it, each outfit takes me back, want to know one fashion memory?


I swear I can remember what my third-ever crush, Wyatt, wore at the ice cream social before the start of second grade. Do you think he remembers what I was wearing? My blue Birkenstocks with the poorly drawn pig across both feet. I took my shoes off while he showed me the new zip line on the playground they installed over the summer. I was a new student that year, and the 'social' of 'ice cream social's" prerogative was to get the new kids fostering relationships before the school year started so the transition would be easier. Ice cream is the perfect tool to bond, ask any welder.



I took my pig off, summer feet, you know. We played as Wyatt's mint chip melted and my rainbow sprinkles sat in the bottom of my half eaten cone, I just liked them because they were pretty, the way they seemingly superglue themselves to the bottom of my teeth freaks me out so I avoid ingesting. Wyatt was pretty too, with thick blonde, weirdly wirey hair. Maybe I imagine him larger than life, but I swear his hair was a balloon the width of his wingspan. mind you, he was short for our class- our second grade, so he must have been barely four feet?

That summer night faded to dark quickly, and that's the only way to know it's gotten late when you’re in second grade. I heard the "it's time to go" call from my dad and I scurried along, not before slamming my dogs into those Berks. And that's when I felt it, its curious half dead goopy antennas investigating the playground under my toenails,,, I screeEEEEEECHED!!! An inside a grasshopper wound up being the cherry on top of my ice cream sundae that night, I would have preferred maraschino, I'm not picky.



What I'm getting at here is that clothing holds memories. Rarely do I think of Wyatt's airhead or cricket guts, and though I did just host my very own ice cream social and can't say it wasn't part of the inspiration, I always think of that dang pig. Always! Not too long ago, I saw someone wearing them in Tribeca; something resurrected inside me. I must find those clogs in my size!!!!!! I must challenge myself to style them as a twenty-six-year-old second grader. 


And see that is what I'm good at, like that Bear quote, that is my skill, connecting memories and turning my insides out so you can see my cricket guts through my clothes, how I dress is a direct representation of how I feel. Every time I put together an outfit I'm creating something fun. It's a moment, a real moment, a real joy, a passion, surrounding myself with color, my room is a stylish setting, it's a place to create, to explore, to dream, to be inspired, to take all the inspiration I've collected out in the world and combine it with my inner musings and watch art bloom. I refuse to sell myself short! 


That's why I awarded myself this "General Excellence" trophy I found in the trash area with the little ratties outside the Laundromat on the corner of Willoughby and Wilson one warm night last year, I needed it. I earned it. Creativity is a skill, a passion, and a calling. I love it, but how can I grow with that? I'm ready to find some new skills. And what a gift it is to have a lifetime to explore it all. I cannot believe I have yet to discover what I'll learn next. To feel proud!! Won't it be nice to see how far I've come? 



I'll keep you posted; until then, here are more of these incredible photos by Kara Birnbaum!

Xo, O


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Ever Since New York

Sunday, October 17, 2021

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Hello from Brooklyn! It's official, I've up and moved to the big apple to live out the life my middle school self always dreamed of, did she dream about living paycheck to paycheck and missing trains and street rats? probably not, but I think she'd still be proud! I probably won't go into a full on post but I still wanted to share with you some highlights since moving here in September :-)

So this is Lindsay! Conveniently, we had known each other from both being in the fashion world here in RIchmond so we were able to get a Uhaul together and drive on up to our little apartment in Brooklyn! It was great being able to have a travel companion and things have been going so well ever since! 
For the most part, I work up in Dobbs Ferry, NY which is just above Yonkers. I'm not going to lie to you, the trek is exactly that, a TREK! But its a wonderful escape from the city and a great place to work. I teach art to young kids! It's magical :-)
REEEEECE! Reece has been living in the city since May! It's so good to be back by his side taking on this city by storm together! We spend most of our time rating and reviewing the best pizzas in Brooklyn and trying to find free time between our busy work schedules to explore the city!
And Saunders is here too!! He's in grad school at NYU studying smarty pants stuff! It's cool having him so close, we meet up for weekly breakfast and as you can see here the occasional birthday!
We've been doing a good amount of home improvement which basically just means painting anything we can get our hands on! I painted our kitchen backsplash which originally was BROWN! I mean, really?! Why brown when it can be ORANGE! It's fun brightening things up before the dark winter comesssss 
Some more fun photos! The subway is always a prime time photo spot...
I live in Crown Heights and I really love it so much, it's nice being away from noisy Manhattan, and my area is super residential so i'm surrounded by families which I like a lot too!
I think my favorite way to see the city so far is just to walk around and let myself get lost. There are so many fun neighborhoods and gems on every corner! I'm so in love with this colorful city!
Lots of good times with good friends :-)
I also saw Harry Styles in concert which was a DREAM! literally so magical, everything 1D obsessed Olivia could have imagined and more! One of the best nights in NYC so far for SURE!
Joanna visited which was amazing! We did a bunch of fall activities like carving pumpkins, baking apple pie, and more! We ate SUCH good foods and our favorite thing for sure was riding the Revel mopeds around town! SUCH a good way to see the city and explore! We felt so cool doing it too... a real treat :-)
I've loved seeing my students make such inspiring art! I am learning so much from them and cannot wait to see how they continue to learn and grow throughout this season! It's been a lot of fun! Just like this journey since moving here! Who knows what's next, whatever it is I can't wait :-) xo, O

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April Recap On Film

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

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Hello everyone! Can you believe it's already May? How is the year basically already half over?! But let's take a step back to April real quick! I got a little film camera for graduation last year and I have absolutely loved it!! 

I got a photo album for 2021 and have been ordering prints when I develop my film and have loved having a tangible album to flip through! Instagram and this blog are great archives, but nothing beats sitting down and looking through photos and sharing memories with others. How wild it is that one day I may be sharing these memories I'm living through now with my future children!? 

This is your sign to get a cheap film camera, the one I have is great (buy yours here!) It's also a great alternative to disposable cameras because its just as easy for beginners, but also ✨sustainable✨ which is my favorite part! Okay!! Let's jump into April!!

Reece and I spent MANY days out in the sun at the VMFA picnicing, painting, hanging out, every time was soooo lovely <3
My friend Lindsay skating!! We are determined to become skate stars! Look at her go!
Reece and I celebrated 6 months of dating with a fancy dinner at Gersi!! We sat outside don’t worry, and went at like 5:30 to avoid people lol
More VMFA picnics with Reece :-) I was hunting for this picnic blanket for WEEKS and finally was able to track it down at a far away Target and it was so worth it! I have already used it so much I love love love it!!!
AND OMG EMMA IS IN TOWN!! SUCH a wonderful surprise! Mimi and Saunders were both in town at this time, Mimi hadn't been here in over a year and a half! So when Saunders heard he drove down for a visit and then Emma joined in on the fun! But here's the thing, Emma coming was a TOTAL surprise! Having everyone under the same roof again was a literal dream, I missed everyone so much, such a treat :-)
Cutie sissy moments <3
Spring at this point is FINALLY in full force! Flowers everywhere! Which is amazing, but sadly means pollen is everywhere too... BUT the sniffles are worth it for some beautiful flowers :-)
We went to our river house while everyone was in town, it was so nice to be able to ~*get in touch with nature*~ 
Sunshine smiles!!
Saunders and Tucker :-)
Look how cutie Mimi is!! She's been here for the whole month, it's really been wonderful spending some chill time with her. I like the longer visits a lot because it doesn't feel like you have to force on fun times and activities into one week or something, just taking it easy and enjoying essentially living together. 
⭐️CHEERS! Having everyone here meant LOTS of fun family meals. We cooked basically every meal and all sat down together and it truly made every day feel like the weekend. Huge proponent of spending quality time in the kitchen together! Here's to more of that in the future :-)
Some more Reece time at the VMFA! drinking some Yerba Mate! My favorite is the Orange Exuberance, do you drink Yerba? What's your favorite flavor?
Many many many mannnyyyy mornings at the VMFA journaling and making art :-)
AND IM FULLY VACCINATED!!! I wish this photo turned out better, but I just love it for what it Is! I'm so so so happy to be vaccinated! I lucked out and had no side effects, made sure to do my windmills and my arm was barely sore! Go get vaxed if you can! Let's change the world!!
I've tried for the last month to get up and walk every morning and I'll tell you it's changed my life. I start every morning feeling so great, it's such a mood booster, I feel energized and ready to start my day! It's meditative, empowering and ooooo baby its amazing! This IS YOUR SIGN TO GO ON A WALK!! 
KOI! love this guy <3
Doing some work at VMFA.... typicallllll Oh and yeah! This was the first day with my new haircut! we love <3 still loving it so much!
Sleepy Reece at the VMFA :-)
Mimi among all of the flowers!! Such a happy photo, such a happy day, capture the little moments yall, it'll be worth it!
This was one of the first days that Saunders arrived! The start of the family festivities :-)
Tucker!! 
So much love for spring time :-) We've spent a bunch of time outside and it seriously makes my mood go 📈
Ice cream with Mimi from Scoop! Again, loving all the little moments lately :-)
Anddddd lastly, Ally and I went to All Fired Up and I painted a mug!! I love it so much! Get out there and do more activities with your friends! It's the BEST!! 

Okay and that was April!! Cannot wait to see what May brings!! I love you all so much! Have a wonderful month! Keep it light, take a bunch of photos, journal in the grass, make wishes on dandelions and fall in love with everyone around you <3 Peace and blessings lil cherubs <3

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