What is Natural Beauty?

This post may contain some content some readers might not agree on, however this is my blog and this is where I express my feelings. So please, hold your comments. 

Also, this is my story and it wont apply to everyone.

Above you see a photo of me, surrounded by hurtful, confusing things that people not only say but feel. This post is going to by sort of hard for me to write, just because there is so much I need and want to say, but don't know how to put it into words. 

The past sixteen years of my life I have been hit with bouts of feeling too skinny, too fat, boyish, slutty, pressured to be wild and myself, pressure to be the best, yet not a try too hard. To be honest, I was my worst bully, I was always so concerned about what other people think and how I needed to be the best, the boldest, the strongest, when in reality, if I could, everyday I'd just hide. 

I grew up in a home where I was taught that being yourself is what matters. And, in the words of Taylor Swift, just shake it off... "It", being all the haters of course. I say "grew" up because, yeah I'm still of course growing up, and living at home but, I do feel very independent now... But back to what I was saying, these feelings often related back to my fashion/style. I've always been the girl who wore the wacky and wild clothes, but then as I got older, and more into fashion, I realized that what I was wearing was just a mess, it was okay for nine year old Olivia, but not sixteen year old Olivia. It felt like I couldn't wear something "normal" (more put together) with out people staring and saying things like, "Wow Olivia, why are you dressed so boring?" "Olivia, you look normal for a change." "Olivia, I didn't even notice you!" When I first started going to my school I go to now, I was ridiculed for the weird way I dressed. I dressed for myself, I didn't "fit in" and the girls who had been going there for years did not like the change. People began to accept it as they never one with my "Shake it Off" attitude. But then when I changed, I got called out, and those comments hurt. I spent so long forcing myself to "be myself" or who I used to be, but keep people thinking that I'm still this wild person. Telling myself that I wasn't good enough unless I made heads turn and was always better than everyone else. That beat me up, thinking that I had to be the best all the time. And when I wasn't? When I wasn't perfect? That was terrible. I just wanted to hide. But I faked it until I started really seriously doing things for myself, like, my haircut.

I have wanted to get my haircut for years but the thing that was always holding me back were all my potential haters. I thought, would if people don't like it? Would if all of a sudden everyone thinks I'm gay? Will guys still like me? Would if people think I look butch? Will I have to loose weight to look girly? Am I going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe of just fluttery dresses? Silly questions like this haunted me. Which was weird because so many absolutely beautiful women including extremely famous celebrities have pixie cuts, and no one makes nasty remarks about them. Something at camp this year changed me, not only that it was my last and best summer as a camper, but when it gave me an entirely new confidence that I don't even know where it came from. But after camp I knew that my previous accusations against the pixie were silly because it didn't matter what other people thought, I've wanted this hair cut for like ever and it was time I did something for myself and not the people around me. Call it selfish, but it's been pretty darn empowering. 

Like I said earlier, I was my worst bully. I could go into body confidence, but that is an entire other post and I just don't want to get into that now. However, I will touch on another topic, equality. 

Only eight letters and somehow it's the biggest word in the book. There is so much I wish I could do to rip all of the hate out of this world and live peacefully with everyone, but it's not that easy. I am a feminist. I don't know if you all are familiar with Emma Watson's speech at the UN but it is pretty amazing. A vast majority of people think that feminism is just women being better than men, after being beaten down and slut shamed, and things like that. The definition of feminism is, "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men". Equality, not hate, not putting down men, or women being more powerful, but being equal. Human to Human, person to person. 

What I'm about to talk about I don't have all the facts on so don't come yelling at me if I get something wrong, but the other day, December 28th, Leelah Alcorn committed suicide due to the fact that she, a transgender teen was not accepted or treated with respect as the human being she was. In her suicide note that has gone absolutely viral on tumblr and many other networks, she pleads that we need to "fix society". I 100% agree with Leelah. I saw a tweet last night on Tumblr saying, "Christians, if you reject abortion but refuse to love your LGBTQ children then don't bother calling yourselves "pro-life" #LeelahAlcorn" tweeted by @writesnrights. 
My blog is a safe place for my to express my feelings and opinions, so please, do NOT get angry with me for what I believe in. I believe in a world where we could all live equally, accepting every single person, reaching out and loving ever single person. 

That may have sounded like a ramble, but now, to get to the point: 

The first step to equality is accepting yourself and learning to accept others. But how to you accept yourself? By finding your natural beauty. Find what makes you special, be selfish and do things for yourself, try to forget the haters and dig as deeeeeep as you can to find what makes you YOU and not the person others want you to be, be who you were born to be. Natural beauty is something they try to advertise and sell in magazines, but it can't be bought, you need to find it yourself. And you WILL, there WILL come a time where you will be powerful and rule your own world,  and love every moment of it. Once you love yourself, and find what makes you beautiful (in your OWN eyes) then it will be 100x easier to love those around you, and you're one step closer to equality. Being someone who views the world through the eyes of someone who loves them self and every aspect of who they are, loves those around them, and knows that that's what they need. 

Find your natural beauty, shake it off, and you're already one step closer to a brighter world of equality :) 

Above, you see a photo of me loving life, and conquering my natural, inner beauty, happier than ever.

Good Luck!