Body Backlash

Hello beautiful people of the internet!!
This week is international Love Your Body Week, (which should totally be every week in my opinion) and I've got some things to say (prepare for a rant). I've talked in the past about not being totally comfortable in my own skin (1, 2, 3, 4) and all that jazz that almost all women feel at some point in their lives. Especially today where we are constantly surrounded by people who are "better" than us, everything feels like a competition and just a huge comparison game.

Well, today I'm going to talk about something that happened to me when I stepped outside of my comfort zone and posted a photo that was seen as "low-class", "trashy", "totally inappropriate", and "soooo uncomfortable" saying that I was "getting self-respect confused with empowerment." and that it, "is not something a role model to young women would post. It's just not."

I posted the photo above, in addition to some photos of my goldfish and another one of me dancing in my room, a series of sorts you could say, on my Instagram story yesterday around 4pm. I've been in a few relationships and little flings with guys and what not, and I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt sexy, never ever felt genuinely sexy in my body. There have been a few times where I've dressed up super nice and felt like a total 10, for sure, but never ever have I felt sexy, or hot, or desirable. And sure, I'm young, whatever, but in my nineteen and a half years here on this planet I've never experienced the feeling of being sexy. Oddly enough, ever since my breakup I've gained this newfound confidence where I actually do feel somewhat desirable. In my past relationship I wasn't "allowed" to post or even really do anything even slightly revealing, sexy or anything like that or else I would be broken up with. That's pretty screwed up.

I felt like, okay yeah, now that I'm single I can do whatever I want. I was procrastinating on packing for school and I began to take some photos. I was feeling REALLY good. I really liked the way they were turning out, so naturally I continued. And it's not like I'm wearing some crazy strappy lingerie set, or I'm sprawled out on my bed, or tied up or something ridiculous like that, like seriously guys, you've seen this top a million and one times, (1, 2, 3) and I'm just wearing a thong which is basically the same size as some of the trendy bikini bottoms this year. How many times have I posed in MeUndies and no one has had any kind of issue with it? Too many to count. So why does this time, this ONE time I post something with a little bit darker lighting and messy hair make any difference?

This photo is a symbol of me feeling comfortable and confident in my own skin. I'm so so self conscious of my legs, they have cellulite, too many scars to count, little hairs, and scratches everywhere. I don't have a toned butt or anything like that at all, my stomach isn't flat by any means, So the fact that I even put this photo out there was a big step for me. I'm posing in a way where I LOOK and FEEL excellent.

Never before feeling sexy, posting this was the first time I really did, and the best part about it, I wasn't with some guy, I took this on self timer, I was 100% feeling myself.
I decided to post it about an hour after editing it, saying, "okay, okay you know what, this is a GOOD photo. It'll be totally fine. Even though you would typically be self conscious about it, it's all good because you are so beautiful and strong and you GOT THIS! Go for it!" So I did.

Immediatly comments started streaming in:
"you are stunning n beautiful n I'm blessed to have seen this photo"
"Yesss girl!!... you're killing it!!"
"Loooooove this"
"So beautiful!!"
"A++++++"
"HOT DAMNNN MAMA *intert fire emojis here*"
"Can I just be you??"
"girl we MUST shoot together soon, you're killing it"

and then I got the
"whyyyy?"
and the long messages tearing any self confidence I had down began.

I think, at nineteen, being a young woman in 2017, honing in on my sexuality and body confidence is so important to discovering who I am as a woman as I continue to grow. And sure, maybe I am a role model for younger women and girls, but I want my message of, "hey this is me, feeling amazing, being comfortable in my own skin looking like a total star, one day I hope you feel the same when you grow up a bit" to come through.

To future employers, I'm going to be completely honest, I really really don't care. Any job I would ever apply or want to work for would and should be totally fine with body confidence, and if they aren't, then they aren't the company for me. I'm not looking to work in any kind of corporate position or for like a law firm or anything like that. So what the heck matters!

So yeah, I could have posted a photo of me on the beach in a swimsuit, but that isn't nearly the same, like at. all. I wanted to feel sexy and powerful and confident, so I took a few photos, found one I liked and was proud to post it and show off my strong wonderful body. Why do you think Boudoir shoots are a thing???

I vow to NEVER bring any woman down for being "too" sexy or posting something that is "too" revealing. Honestly people, we all have boobs, what's the big surprise?? Every woman struggles and deals with her own insecurities, so the moment that she puts herself out there and posts something showing off her fantastic body, don't you ever for a second think to shower her with anything but genuine complements. It's 2017, women are allowed to be seductive and show off, get over it.

Below are a few photos from Instagram of other badass babes working it in front of the camera. There is no need to hide your sexuality, or your body, or anything like that. Dare to be beautiful and strong and capable of desire. All women are so so incredible and shouldn't have to hide all that goodness, and if you don't have anything nice to say or disagree, please escort yourself out.

xo, O

 @kalliekaiser 

 @bleebu

 @luciebfink 

 @bellefarmer 

@kat_in_nyc